Thank you for being part of our journey

We’ve been walking on a tight rope for 134 days. That’s how long it has been since Jeremy was first diagnosed with lymphoma. Right from the start our course was difficult and we have been players in a very serious balancing act. When Jeremy was first diagnosed, we were told he would’ve died within 24 hours had we not gone to the ER. We were told that his kidneys had failed and while the doctors believed they could help Jeremy, they didn’t know if time would be on their side. They didn’t know if Jeremy’s kidneys would recover so that Jeremy could start chemotherapy. Right from those early days, we’ve been given the message, “Yes, there is hope. We just don’t know if X,Y or Z will allow us to do what we need.”

We’ve been playing this balancing act for five months. The new dilemma: Jeremy’s lymphoma has returned but again he needs to get stronger, his counts need to recover, and he needs to be more stable in order for the doctors to attack the lymphoma. And the doctors continue to say “We have not hit a wall. There is still hope. We just don’t know how everything will play out.” It is hard to fully comprehend what the doctors are saying, especially knowing how much Jeremy has been through, how frail and weak he looks.

Hope is a double-edged sword. Hope is what gets me out of bed in the morning. It’s what gives me the energy to go through the day knowing there is a chance of good things to come. It is also the thing that I cling to so tightly, I can’t let go, I can’t enter “the dark side” and give up. It makes me keep going even when my body, mind and spirit are so very tired and unable to move. We can’t give up as long as we still have it. And for those of you who have had hope, you know that it doesn’t come in sizes. Hope is all or nothing.

As we enter this new phase and walk this new tight rope, our hope remains. Someday we will look back on these days, on the other side of all of this with whatever the other side looks like, and we will see that hope shining brightly. We will see this as a time of grace and mercy, of sufficiency, even in the midst of some of the most dangerous storms. Someday we will remember these days as hard and difficult but also special and wonderful, as we get to intimately experience the hand of God every single day. Like someone who lives through an epic battle or natural disaster, we will see this path behind us and think “Only by the grace of God did we make it through.” As hindsight is 20/20, we will look back on these days and see more clearly the miracles and mercies much more profoundly than we can see them now. And we will continue to thank him for His goodness to us on even our darkest days.

Thank you for praying with us as we walk this fine line. Pray for Jeremy’s strength, pray for comfort to his mind and body. Pray that even though he is unable to talk (and desperately wants to) he is content and patient with those of us trying hard to understand his needs. Pray he can use this time for special conversations with God. He is a strong, strong man. It is miracle he is still fighting, going strong and mentally engaged. God is with him and using this for his glory in all of our lives. Thank you for being a part of that.

~~ Angela

3 thoughts on “Thank you for being part of our journey

  1. Lou Gutheil

    Jeremy,

    The Lord laid it on my heart to share these words, written by Billy Gaines:

    I stand at a river, I must reach the other side
    Don’t know how I’ll get there, the river’s cold and deep and wide
    So strong is the current, I’d be surely swept away
    Stronger though is my Father’s hand and He will make a way
    This trial is that river, but I’ve been here before
    I’ve learned from the last time, That I will reach the other shore

    On the other side of this trial I’ll be a better man
    I will know the sweet deliverance of my Fathers mighty hand
    I will have another battle won, upon which I can stand
    I’ll grow closer to my Savior, as I trust His Master Plan
    I’ll know Him better, I will be better, I’ll be a better man

    I cried with my whole heart, My God what have I done
    To deserve what I’m going through, He said it’s just that you’re my son
    I’m doing a work in you, building patience in my child
    You will find on the other side, that it’s all been worth the while
    So hold on to My promises, as you watch My will unfold
    You’ll see that this trial, was under My control

    Now I’m not talking about the sweet by and by
    But in this here and now, He’ll deliver me some how

    On the other side of this trial I’ll be a better man
    I will know the sweet deliverance of my Fathers mighty hand
    I will have another battle won, upon which I can stand
    I’ll grow closer to my Savior, as I trust His Master Plan
    I’ll know Him better, I will be better, I’ll be a better man

    I am praying for you – every day.

    Reply
  2. Kristina Davis

    I am praying for your family. Please let me know what I can do for the kids. You have great teachers and all of us will do whatever you need to make sure the kiddos are enjoying their day at school. Tell Jeremy that they will quickly be hablando espanol con fluidez y gracia! :)

    Reply
  3. Christine Kepner

    Dearest Jeremy and Angela, dear children, dear David and Karen, our daily prayer for you is always the same: Lord, have mercy; Christ, have mercy. Restore strength and healing to Jeremy. Thank you for his faithful witness to your goodness. – We pray for you at home and at the College, in classes and in meetings and in Chapel. You are with us in your absence as we hope for your return. Blessings on all of you. With love, Christine Kepner and your former students who remember you fondly.

    Reply

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