I find myself crying out to God yet again

Jeremy has been battling a slight fever all day. It is still lingering around 101.7 even after Tylenol. He is sleeping now thanks to strong pain meds that were given after doctors extracted spinal fluid for yet another test to confirm or deny the presence of lymphoma in Jeremy’s central nervous system. The numerous tests done over the past several weeks have been clean but not enough cells were present to completely rule out lymphoma, meaning the official tests were inconclusive.

This past Sunday while I was caressing Jeremy’s face I noticed a lump at the base of his ear that I reported to his nurse. It wasn’t until Tuesday when I talked with the Jeremy’s oncologist and pointed it out again. He confirmed it was a swollen lymph node and immediately checked to see if other nodes were swollen and none were. However, it is cause for concern and they will perform a biopsy of the node tomorrow. As of a month ago, there was no evidence of disease in Jeremy’s body and there are many possible reasons he could have a swollen lymph node now. Still, the possibility that the lymphoma is back is very real and, due to Jeremy’s current condition, our treatment options are more limited if it has returned.

I find myself crying out to God yet again, “Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy.”

I continue to look upon this man that I Iove with every ounce of my being, thanking God for allowing me to be is wife, incredibly grateful that he is the father of my children. I place him and all that I hold dear at the foot of the cross. I place his frail body, his strong spirit, the lymphoma, the chemo toxicity and all the unknowns that lay in the path before us on the altar, let go, and pray, “Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.”

~~ Angela

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